Life’s daily responsibilites are hard enough to navigate through without adding the crushing burden of bad attitudes. This morning I woke up with a bad attitude and I knew that it was going to be a very difficult day – for me, and for those around me.

I was tired, headachy, grumpy and irritated. I hadn’t actually seen anybody face-to-face yet, but I had a catalog of grievances from the previous day to fill my groggy consciousness. So I mentally mounted my “Self-Pity Soapbox”, and I began blaming those around me for my present unhappiness.

This was not a very nice thing to do – nor was it fair. I was the prosecutor, jury and judge all rolled up into one. There was no one to present opposing arguments or to stand up for the condemned.

This inner argument and complaint was not a very good preparation for entering into the duties of my day. I hoped I would be in a better frame of mind when my children awoke, because I knew that a grumpy mama makes for grumpy children. But I wasn’t quite ready to let go of my self-pity.

So I “stewed”. I knew I was on the wrong track; I knew my stewing was futile, non-productive and even harmful. So, what to do? My emotions were embroiled in the battle. I needed to pause. But what to do in the pause? I’m sorry to say that I didn’t even think about praying; in the state I was in, any prayer offered would not have been a petition or request, but a self-righteous recital of my complaints. But I paused…recognizing the sure disaster ahead if something – or some one (me) – didn’t change.

I paused. I didn’t pray. I began to plan; my thoughts turned back upon themselves seeking a plan that I could set in motion to deal with the irritating ways in those around me. (After all, they were the problem – weren’t they?) I was still very tired and very irritated. And I was wondering, was it possible that I was overreacting to the stress of the week also combined with a poor night’s sleep?

I read somewhere that a good test for any thought or action one is contemplating, is to ask, “Does it love the light or does it prefer to stay in the shadows?” Well, my thoughts weren’t exactly light and sunshine. They were more on the shadowy side of things. I thought, “I should run these ‘plans’ by my husband to see what he thinks.” But before I could drag myself out of the murky shades of my reflections, he noticed his brooding wife and called me out, “Is there anything we need to talk about before I leave for work?” There was. We did.

That was the beginning of a change. My plan of action was no longer “the” plan of action. I was no longer on the warpath against those around me. My anger had been defused. I was still tired and very miserable, but I was defused. So I entered into this day. I welcomed my daughters into the day. I smiled – a bit feebly. And I sat down to write: to discover why I had been so irritated, to remember how my thoughts had been turned and changed, and to glean some wisdom from the events of the morning.

What did I discover?

1) I really was overtired and stressed. Honestly, things appear different when one is tired.

2) I really did forget to pray. I have had many, many answers to prayer in my life – both big and small. I must have been really off-balance this morning; I forgot to pray.

3) I needed my husband’s input into my whirling and downward spiraling thoughts. I’m so thankful for our short talk and prayer together. (Ah, the prayer did get in after all.)

4) I’m not sure how to express this one: I need to remember when I choose to forgive someone their offense against me. And not pick it up again. (Late last night, right before going to bed, I chose to do just that – forgive a personal offense. I did it sincerely. But I didn’t remember I had made this choice until this little writing exercise.) Sheeesh! It would have saved me a bit of fussing if I had remembered. This brings me full circle to my first point.

I really was overtired and stressed this morning.